Not My Fault
by Kali Hina
Summary: Reimu wanted money and people for her poor shrine. She got the opposite and much worse. A story about the first ever Hakurei Gathering gone wrong. T for strong language and settings.
1. Chapter 1

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 _In the aftermath of the destruction and remains of the Hakurei Shrine, everyone pointed fingers and blamed one another for what was now called the incident of the Hakurei Gathering. They accused their fellow drinkers and deflected off any accusations against themselves. As the verbal warfare turned into drawn/summoned spellcards and eventually free-for-all danmaku in several areas of the Hakurei Shrine, the unfortunate victims moaned one last time and lapsed into an unwelcome unconsciousness._

 _One small being saw the incident all happen from start to finish, and she glumly watched as the silly and drunk youkai argued with one another over the many things that they thought were the causes._

 _What had happened that led up to this point? One might ask the small being. He/She would get no answer, because she had no mouth to speak from. But if any of the drunk youkai had stopped to contemplate this question, they would have said that it began with Reimu's letter._

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The invitation was surprisingly formal, complete with fancy writing and lavish stationary. Reimu Hakurei, in a desperate attempt to improve the dilapidated state of her shrine, decided to send out cordial invites to all the humans and youkai in Gensokyo. Her reasoning was, the more people that came to her shrine, the more likely that at least _one_ of them would donate money. And so, after persuading Yukari to help her gap the invitations directly to people (with the promise of some obscure reward in the distant future), every Gensokian received the following letter via gap:

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Dear Resident of Gensokyo,

You are invited to the first ever Hakurei Gathering, celebrating the unity between humans and youkai

There will be:

Unlimited Food

Unlimited Drinks (Alcohol Included)

Raffle Prizes

Music

On Sept 23, 20—

At Hakurei Shrine, Gensokyo

Reimu Hakurei, Hakurei Shrine Maiden (Host)

Yukari Yakumo, Youkai (Host)

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Unsurprisingly, the humans were skeptical of the invitation. The legendary shrine maiden, who, despite all of her accomplishments in solving incidents and exterminating youkai, couldn't prevent said youkai from basically infesting her own shrine? It sounded like a disaster waiting to happen.

Surprisingly, despite many of them being avid drinkers and partygoers, the youkai were _also_ skeptical of the invitation. The ruthless youkai exterminator that left behind a trail of destruction every time she went out to solve incidents was inviting all of them to a party? For what reason? And why would Yukari Yakumo be there helping the dreaded shrine maiden?

In the end, only those who had gotten to know Reimu went to the party. And this was more or less because: 1) they had been mercilessly beaten by Reimu in danmaku, 2) discovered she was a lax and lazy individual, and 3) warmed up and become friendly with her despite the fact that she was a youkai exterminator.

Reimu didn't discover the fruits of her and Yukari's labor until the day of the 1st ever Hakurei Gathering. Right before the party was supposed to start, she walked out of her shrine with a large platter of food with Yukari, who was holding a large bottle. As soon as she saw the usual attendees setting up bottles of sake, food, and music with no unknown humans or youkai in sight, she said "Fuck it," put her large platter of food into the hands of an unsuspecting Reisen "Udonge" Inaba, grabbed the nearest bottle of alcohol (which happened to be held in the hands of Yukari Yakumo), popped the cork, and chugged it.

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 _Fingers were first pointed at Yukari Yakumo. When she had woken up from her nosebleed, that is. Upon being accused, she merely scoffed and said that the 'gift' she had brought from the Outside World was of the highest quality of alcohol content and meant to be drunk and shared by everyone. Like Reimu, she had held the item in her hands as an expression of unity and compliment with Reimu's food platter. It wasn't her fault that the shrine maiden decided to grab the closest thing to her and drink from it._

 _Yukari paused._

" _And, er, I might have added some of my own supply of sake into it," she sheepishly admitted. "But that was because the original liquor was hardly worth calling alcohol or up to Gensokyo standards!"_

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It was an impressive display. Reimu had chugged the bottle down to the bottom, and when she was done, she threw the bottle far away into the trees. As she wiped her mouth and belched a little, the youkai cheered and took it as a sign to kick the party off. The Prismriver sisters started to play a selection, and the happy sounds of people chatting and drinking soon filled the air. The shrine maiden smiled a little at the sight, swaying dangerously on her feet as the extremely potent alcohol flooded through her.

"Hey Reimu! Oh wow, you look really out of it," A voice said close to her.

The tipsy shrine maiden turned and saw what looked like to be Alice. Or possibly Marisa, since they both had blonde hair.

"Hey yoourrselff," Reimu slurred. She stepped once but almost toppled forward face first onto the ground if not for the blondie's arms grabbing and supporting her.

"Woah there. Here, drink this. It should help you a bit, ze" the kind voice offered. There was a slight rustle of clothing and the sound of a cork popping, and Reimu blearily saw a clear vial filled with a dark liquid in it being offered to her. The usually hyperaware and sensitive miko took the vial and drank its contents.

It took ten seconds before Reimu felt the first effects of the drink kick in. Now, instead of being drunk, she was both drunk and extremely giddy with energy.

"Thanks, Alice! You're the best, best, best, beesssstt friend I don't have!" Reimu sloppily said. She straightened up and started to jump all round. "I'm so happy, happy, happy happpyy!"

"I'm Marisa, Reimu, and you're very much welcome," the witch grinned as her friend jumped around her. It looked like her special mushroom, orange, and coffee energy drink blend worked. For a few seconds at least.

All of a sudden, Reimu felt the energy leave her, and she slowed to a stop and latched onto Marisa for support. Seeing Reimu quiet down for the time being, Marisa adjusted her grip and led her friend over to one of the spread out picnic blankets with several people sitting on them.

"Hey Marisa." One of people sitting near the edges of the picnic blanket had noticed the pair and stood up to greet them.

"Hey to you too, Youmu," Marisa answered back. Youmu opened her mouth to say something further but closed it. She leaned closer and peered at Reimu, who was now slightly drooling onto Marisa's shoulder and starting to cross eyes.

"Er, I think there is something wrong with Reimu," The white haired gardener said, concerned. Her phantom half floated closer to them. Upon seeing the white, pale glob in from of her, Reimu's eyes suddenly focused and brightly lit up.

"Nah, she's-" Marisa began.

"OMYGOSH, IS THAT FLOATING MOCHI!" Reimu suddenly squealed, letting go of the witch and grabbing onto the new object. Alarmed, the 'floating mochi' vigorously squirmed to get free but couldn't.

"-fine," Marisa finished.

"Reimuuu?!" Youmu squeaked, feeling the girl's weight on her phantom half.

"Mooochiii," Reimu slurred, now caressing one hand over the smoothness of the phantom and rubbing her cheek over it.

"Right, I can totally see that she's 'fine'," another voice retorted. Marisa turned towards the owner and grinned widely.

"Hey Alice! Long time no see, ze!"

The puppeteer rolled her eyes. Floating above her shoulder, her doll Shanghai copied the motion with her head.

"You were just at my house this morning stealing one of my tomes," she deadpanned. "Speaking of which, I want it back. _Now_."

"I will, when I'm done with it," Marisa answered back nonchalantly, waving the issue off.

" _Which is when_?"

"Reimu, let go of my phantom, I mean me!" Youmu tried to pull the shrine maiden off of her other self, but Reimu only gripped harder on it.

"Noooo, it's mine!" She whined.

"It's mine, I mean me!"

"Mine!"

"Me!"

"Youmu-chan?" A melodic voice called out. From years of habit and experience, Youmu immediately stopped, straightened up, and turned to face the owner of the voice.

"Yes, Yuyuko-sama?"

"Why don't you go get us a few drinks? I think I see a new fruity cocktail that I haven't tried yet," the ghostly princess suggested, batting her eyes at Youmu.

"But, but Yuyoko-sama, Reimu is-" Youmu sputtered.

"Hurry, Youmu, I can see a few of them already being taken," Yuyuko pleaded.

"But-" Youmu attempted one final time. But then Yuyuko turned on her infamous puppy eyes, and with it Youmu had to obey. With a noticeable slump of her shoulders, she bowed towards the group and turned around to find the platter of fruity cocktails.

"Poor Youmu," Marisa commented. She sat down next to Alice, who begrudgingly made room for her on the blanket.

"Did you have to send Youmu away?" Alice asked Yuyuko, frowning a little.

"Oh yes. I did want to try out the new drinks they were passing. Although now that you mention it…" Yuyuko responded. Her eyes slowly drifted over towards Reimu, who was now sitting on the picnic blanket with them and tightly hugging and cooing to the limp phantom. She looked over to where her cute gardener was and saw that she had reached the rabbit girl serving the drinks. A small, mischievous smiled appeared on her face.

Alice warily looked at the phantom princess and opened her mouth to say something. But before she could, Shanghai pulled on her hair. Slightly annoyed, Alice reached up and cradled the floating doll in her hands.

"Yes, Shanghai?" She asked. The faithful doll turned and pointed. The puppeteer looked over and saw the Scarlet Devil Mansion enjoying the festivities amongst themselves. Interestingly enough, Flandre Scarlet, the extremely destructive vampire sister of Remilia, was with them. She looked like she was having a good time, though. Alice returned back to Shanghai with a questioning gaze.

"Um, I don't quite understand," she said. To her, there was nothing out of the ordinary. But Shanghai shook her head and pointed again, this time a little off to the side. Alice followed the doll's hand again, and this time she saw it. Marisa was conversing with Patchouli Knowledge.

"What!" Alice quickly looked to her side and saw no blonde haired witch. Her eyes immediately snapped back to the forbidden pairing, and she stood up to confront her greatest rival (in love).

"Reimu, I'll be back!" She snapped off, and she rode into the foray to do battle with the magician. Shanghai faithfully floated after her.

Yuyuko smirked at the lucky turn of events. Now, she was alone with Reimu. Or rather, Reimu was alone _with her_. Seizing the opportunity, Yuyuko leaned forward towards the girl, as if sharing a gossip with her.

"Say, Reimu, don't you think that it's…kind of warm today," Yuyuko slyly asked.

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" _Yuyuko-sama!" Youmu scolded. The ghostly princess turned a slighter paler color._

" _Youmu-chan, it was a joke! A joke!" the older woman hastily said. Youmu merely growled and drew her sword (name). Alarmed, Yuyuko drew out her fan to protect herself._

" _You told me it was an accident. Now, you're telling me that it was a joke?!" Youmu said in a low but threatening voice._

 _Yuyuko shifted her eyes around for an escape route. Seeing none, she fearfully looked back at her now seething gardener._

" _Um, yes?" She confessed._

" _I can't believe you tripped and involved me in your silly 'joke'!" the white haired gardener exploded out loud._

 _._

 _._

Reimu blankly stared at the woman, not comprehending a single word. When she gave no answer, Yuyuko had a hard time suppressing an excited giggle.

 _This is so fun!_ She thought, and she leaned closer to the miko.

"Well, I was thinking…since it's still quite hot out, maybe you should, ah, take the chance and lose a little more clothing. After all, don't you sometimes feel sweaty in your opened sleeves and miko dress?" the ghost princess whispered conspiringly.

When she was met again with a blank stare, Yuyuko slightly pouted and leaned back in her seat. _Well, time for Plan B. Sorry, Youmu._

But Yuyuko wasn't really sorry.

Soon, Youmu returned to their picnic blanket with a large platter of around fifteen of the fruity cocktails. With a small sigh, she balanced the platter on one practiced hand and took one of the glasses with the other.

"I'm sorry it took a while, but here are your fruity cocktails, Yuyuko-sama," Youmu said, and she handed Yuyuko the offered cocktail.

"Oh, thank you Youm-oops!" Yuyuko made as if to reach out, but then she grabbed Youmu by the wrist and pulled down.

"Kyaa!"

Alcohol and glass fell everywhere, drenching the group. By some miracle, the cocktail glasses did not shatter.

"Yuyuko-sama!" The wet girl accused.

The ghostly princess put up her hands in apology.

"My bad, Youmu. I misjudged and grabbed you by accident," she meekly apologized. Then she ran a finger down Youmu's face and licked it. Her eyes lit up in delight. "My, this is delicious!"

"Yuyuko-sama!"

Reimu merely lifted a hand, stared at the liquid on it, licked, and drunkenly marveled at the taste.

The commotion and sound of many glasses tinkling had caused the other youkai and party-goers to briefly look over and see a drenched Reimu, Yuyuko, and Youmu. The SDM group were one of these patrons, and they watched as the gardener berated her master. At least, some of them were; Patchouli, Marisa, and Alice seemed to have drifted off somewhere else.

"Hey…are you seeing what I'm seeing," Flandre uncertainly brought up, struggling to come to terms with what she was seeing with her very sharp vampire eyes.

"You mean the glutton of a princess being nagged on by her nanny?" Remilia casually responded. It wasn't an uncommon sight to see the ghostly duo act like this in public; in fact, it happened at least once during every gathering or party she has been to. Thus, the five hundred year old vampire had much better things to do than watch a reoccurring event. She slowly sipped her bloody red wine (specially brought from the Scarlet Devil Mansion) and reveled in the aged taste.

"Um, no."

"Then, Reimu licking her hand in a not-Reimu like manner?" Koakuma, the devilish library assistant and familiar of Patchouli, tentatively suggested.

"Yup."

"What!?" Remilia immediately spat out her mouthful of wine, which unfortunately landed on Koakuma. Her own vampire eyes flickered over to the bickering couple and off to the side, where she was indeed met with the sight of a shrine maiden doing un-shrine maiden-like things. Her mouth dropped and eyes widened in jaw-dropping surprise as Flandre started to provide running commentary.

"She finished licking her hand and now starting on her arm. But it doesn't look like there isn't much on it. Now she's starting on her other hand and arm. Oh, she finished that rather fast. And now…oh. Now she's licking the phantom blob in her hands. Huh, I didn't know that thing could vibrate that fast," the younger vampire remarked.

And with that, Remilia had had enough.

"Sakuya, I can't stand this. Please go and fix this somehow."

Sakuya bowed. "At once, Ojou-sama."

With a click of her stopwatch, Sakuya disappeared from sight. Flandre turned towards her older sister with a questioning look.

"Say Onii-chan, didn't you mention something about having a funny feeling about tonight before we left the mansion, like how it would be life changing event or something?"

Remilia felt many shivers of dread and fear run up her spine.

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" _Onii-chan," Flandre Scarlet groaned. "Don't tell me you accidently changed fate?"_

 _Unforuntately for her, Onii-chan was busy shrinking in on herself in an attempt to not draw any more attention and thus could not answer her.*_

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Once she stopped time, Sakuya made her way over to the disruptive shrine maiden and her two companions. Upon arrival, she noticed that Reimu had a goofy expression on her face, as she was in the process of licking Youmu's phantom. A small smirk appeared on Sakuya's own face, and at that moment she somewhat wished that she had a camera, just so she could blackmail Reimu later. But Aya or Hatate would notice their camera's missing or an extra photo taken on their camera, and she couldn't process the photos in a time-stopped world anyways. She briefly contemplated on what to do and settled on a course of action.

The elegant maid gently stuck Reimu's tongue back in her mouth and pried her hands off of the phantom. Then she returned the phantom back to Youmu's side. With one last look at Reimu's face, she stepped back, pulled out her stopwatch and clicked a button.

When Sakuya popped back into real time, Reimu was startled to find that she had licked the roof of her mouth. The phantom stopped vibrating and instead swayed in place in confusion, and Yuyuko and Youmu both blinked at the sudden appearance of the maid. Sakuya bowed respectfully and straightened up.

"The Highly Esteemed Vampire and Self-Proclaimed Scarlet Devil, Remilia Scarlet, would like to know if I may be of assistance," she said. Yuyuko's eyes lit up, as her plan to strip Reimu out of her shrine maiden outfit took a new and delightful turn.

"Er no, we're alright-" Youmu started.

"Of course you can, my dear maid! As you can see, Youmu and I are in desperate need of a change of clothes. Unfortunately, our closest available clothing are back at Hakugyokurou. If you would be so kind and…?" Yuyuko politely interrupted.

Taking the hint, Sakuya raised a hand and snapped a finger for effect. In the next moment, the ghostly master and servant felt warm and clean clothes on them. Sakuya had even washed and cleaned their bodies (phantom included) without changing their postures. Yuyuko clapped her hands in delight. Reimu, for her part, stared in shock at the now dry clothes, which had been a mind-blowing appearance to her addled mind.

"Amazing! As expected from the head maid of the Scarlet Devil Mansion!"

"Thank you, Sakuya," Youmu said. Seeing Youmu's attention now free and less stressed out, her phantom-self nudged her pitifully, prompting Youmu to inspect and comfort her other half.

Sakuya bowed again. "Is there anything else?"

"Oh yes." Yuyuko beckoned Sakuya slightly closer to not let Youmu overhear. "Reimu is not in the best state of mind. So perhaps you can, ah, assist her in changing clothes. Not into her regular shrine maiden clothing, but something different for this occasion. After all, this is supposed to be a special sort of party that Reimu put up."

Sakuya slightly narrowed her eyes in question. She looked at the still speechless and alcohol-covered shrine maiden then back at the ghost princess, who smiled innocently at her. A few seconds passed before she came to a decision.

"…I'll see what Reimu has for other clothing, " She finally said. And with a twirl of white fabric, both she and Reimu disappeared from sight. Yuyuko leaned back in her spot, pleased with her results. All that's left was to see what the head maid will conjure up for Reimu.

"So, Youmu, tell me, when is the raffle for this gathering?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sakuya resumed time again once she had cleaned and washed Reimu, stripped her clothes, and were both now inside Reimu's room of the Hakurei Shrine. Putting her stopwatch away, Sakuya folded her arms and stared at the naked shrine maiden. Reimu noticed her through unfocused eyes and grinned sloppily.

"Heyyyy, Alice. Sincccce where were you soooo tall and prettyyyy?"

Sakuya grimaced and pulled out her stopwatch again to stop time. She really didn't have the patience to deal with a drunk miko.

Sakuya walked over to Reimu's closet and opened them. She was disappointed to find several identical shrine maiden outfits and sleep robes. The drawers similarly held identical bloomers, miko sleeves, and Reimu's weird side hair covers. As Sakuya closed the drawers, she was forced to conclude that Reimu simply didn't have any sort of casual clothes or yukatas to wear. She grimaced again at the thought that she would have to create a whole outfit for Reimu.

A small part of her wondered why she was even doing this and not simply dressing Reimu in her typical outfit. It would be so much easier to do so than making an outfit on-site. She didn't even have any fabric, knitting tools, or string to work with; all of the things she needed were back at the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Of course, she _could_ pop over to the mansion and get them, just as she had earlier went to the Hakugyokurou for Yuyuko's and Youmu's clothes, but was it still worth the trip?** Would Reimu only wear it once for this occasion and never again, making the trip pointless and materials worthless? Or would it at least be worn every once in a while in appreciation; in that case, Sakuya was much more willing.

Sakuya sighed. She wasn't Reimu, and so she did not know what the shrine maiden's thought process was like. But she wasn't exactly wasting time either by standing around. As she pondered on what to do, Sakuya suddenly remembered that the miko had mentioned Alice.

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The Seven-Coloured Puppeteer blinked. One second, she had been engaging in a riveting conversation with Marisa, and in the next she found herself tied up in sitting position inside the Hakurei Shrine. In front of her was an irritated Sakuya, a naked Reimu, and a bound and gagged Marisa. Shanghai and her other dolls was nowhere to be found.

"Uhm…" Alice was at a loss for words.

"Heyyy, there are two Alice'sss now," Reimu unhelpfully supplied.

Sakuya pocketed her stopwatch and knives before scowling down at her.

"Let me make this clear. I'll overlook the fact that I found Lady Patchouli tied up to a tree and mouth-gagged, you tongue-kissing Marisa in front of her, and your dolls pointing lances at Lady Patchouli's head lest she summons magic and anyone else who dares enter your special 'vicinity' for another time. I am _not_ pleased, but I will nevertheless overlook it in deference to the current issue I have on hand," she said.

The elegant but dangerous maid tilted her head at Reimu. "I want you to make Reimu an outfit."

Alice looked at Sakuya and noticed her very intense glare back at her. Oh damn, she was serious.

"Er, what kind of outfit?" The puppeteer asked. Sakuya pursed her lips.

"Anything that is not of Reimu's typical shrine maiden uniform. One that matches the special occasion that we have today."

"Do you have any kind of yarn, string, or fabric I can work with?" Alice continued. Sakuya shook her head. At that gesture, Alice felt indignation rise up in her.

"How am I supposed to make an outfit without anything!? And why did you pull me into this? I know full well that you can make entire outfits for Remilia and Flandre in no time, so why can't you-" Alice argued. And she should have argued some more, if not for a knife that had appeared under her chin and stopped her from speaking.

"Why, you ask? Because I said so," Sakuya said slowly. "And if you keep protesting, then I will make sure that you will never be able to speak or _taste_ again, and you will still make Reimu's outfit."

The knife remained for a few seconds before withdrawing, and Alice's shoulder's slumped down in relief. She took a few shaky breaths to steady herself again.

"…Does Reimu have many ribbons, at least?"

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 _All the humans and youkai at the party, in some manner, will not admit to one another that Reimu's outfit had been…different. Yes, it drove some of them (_ cough _Yukari_ cough _) to go insane and spurt blood literally everywhere and on everyone, and it could have indirectly contributed to the overall incident. But, as mentioned before, no one was willing to admit that they had been enticed, attracted to, seduced, captivated, etc. by Reimu's new attire._

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It was half an hour when Sakuya and Alice finally stood back, exhausted from their work. The drunk shrine maiden would not stop moving around and kept asking what the two Alice's were doing, so they bound her to a chair and gagged her. Had it been the regular Reimu, she would have just magically undone them. But as it was a drunk Reimu they were dealing with, she was substantially weaker and not in the least bit functional. Marisa had been propped against the opposite wall to spectate the proceedings.

"Do you think that's enough?" Alice said wearily.

"It'll just have to do," Sakuya answered back.

There wasn't much they could do with only Reimu's ribbons. They tied up Reimu's hair in a bun secured it with a bowtie ribbon, made a cheongsam out of ribbons by masterfully tying them without showing any knots, and made her wear a pseudo-panty made out of ribbons.

All in all, though, Reimu looked spectacular in their hack of a job.

"…I've been wondering, but why _couldn't_ we have just stopped time and get more material from my own home or the mansion? It's not like that would have been a problem," Alice said slowly as the realization dawned on her. "And why were we only using her ribbons? I mean, we could've used more of her clothing in more creative ways than this!"

"[Because that's boring! And no one likes boring!]"

"Oh, right," Alice said absentmindedly.

"[You know, I think she still looks too dressed up. Why don't you try and remove a ribbon or two?]"

"Alright," Sakuya subconsciously agreed. She stepped forward and pulled away on of the ribbons of Reimu's cheongsam.

"[Teehee! Strip her. Strip her down till she anything but ribbons!]"

And so they did. They began to undo their masterful work, pulling away red strips from various areas. Marisa's eyes widened, and she started to protest the display.

"Mmph mmph MMPH!"

But Alice and Sakuya paid no heed to her. They pulled ribbons away till only a long ribbon strip covering Reimu's breasts and two tied ribbons covering Reimu's lower parts were left.

"[Ahhh, so close. Only a few ribbons to go before she is free!]"

Both Alice and Sakuya reached for the two sets of ribbons. But just as their hands touched them, there were interrupted.

"Excuse me, have you seen Reimu anywhere…," a new voice asked. The duo froze. Slowly, they turned their heads towards the entrance of the room. A bright red Udonge met their eyes with one hand on the doorway.

"W-what, what is going on here – "Udonge's voice rose, but she was swiftly cut off. Reacting to her voice, Sakuya had stopped time, bound and gagged the rabbit, brought her in, and closed the door. She let time flow again, and Alice jerked in surprise.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Mmph mm!" Udonge added in protest.

For once, Sakuya was at a loss for words. She didn't know what had possessed her to silence the rabbit servant.

"Uh, uh," she stammered out.

"[Oh no, now we have to strip the rabbit down too…]"

"Right, we were about to do that," Sakuya said, her mental will latching on to the first available suggestion.

"Wait, we were about to do what?" Alice replied in confusion. Udonge looked at them, confused at their unbalanced conversation.

"[Oh yes. Reimu shouldn't be alone in her ribbons. Let the poor rabbit join her!]"

"I see," Alice said, following the strange logic. Her arms joined Sakuya's, and together they reached towards the bound rabbit. In panic, Udonge turned her Lunatic Red Eyes on them. Alice's and Sakuya's hands froze, and slowly their eyes turned red, signifying insanity. They quickly stood up.

"Well, we're all done here," Alice said chirpily.

"Yes. Now all that's left is to show Reimu off," Sakuya added.

With that goal in mind, they left Udonge alone, unbound and ungagged Reimu, and dragged her back to the party. For a few moments, it was silent in the room. Marisa looked at Udonge, and Udonge looked back at Marisa. Then a blue and green clothed figure appeared in the middle of the room.

"[Oh poo! And I was so close too!]" Koishi fumed.

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 _Satori Komeji had opted not to go to the Hakurei Gathering. Although she occasionally attended the parties held at the Hakurei Shrine, the amount of people and minds she accidentally reads gave her headaches. And given that the Hakurei Gathering seemed to be an official party, there were likely going to be record amounts of youkai present at a youkai exterminating shrines. Thank you, but also no thank you. It was much more preferable to be in front of a warm fireplace, reading a book, and softly petting her cuddly cat Orin._

 _This was how Koishi found her older sister many hours after the party._

" _Onii-channnnn!"_

 _Satori looked up and smiled. "Koishi. How are you?"_

 _The younger satori bounded over and plopped next to her older sister. Orin mewed and jumped onto Koishi's lap, ecstatic to see her other master back home._

" _I'm happy! Guess what I saw today!"_

" _I don't know. What did you see?" Satori replied, inviting the girl to speak. It was not often that Koishi came home, but when she did, Satori always gave her younger sister her whole and loving attention._

 _And so Satori listened with amused expression as Koishi relayed her tales of ribbon clothed shrine maidens and insane maids and puppeteers._

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While Alice and Sakuya had been busy putting Reimu's ribbon outfit together, the party had progressed merrily on its own. The youkai got drunker and more boisterous with each downed cup of sake, wine, or alcoholic drink. And with the help of Yukari's gaps, there was an endless supply of food and alcohol available. So by the time it came for the raffle an hour in to the party, the youkai were a thorough mess.

Yukari was a little nervous, as Reimu was nowhere to be found. But they had gone over the possibility that if either of them were not present, they should still go ahead with the raffle. So the blonde haired, intimidating youkai, with the help of a portable microphone (Kappa Technologiestm), cleared her throat to draw the attention of the drinkers.

"Ahem. Hello Gensokyo! I hope you are enjoying the first ever Hakurei Gathering, put by our lovely shrine maiden Reimu! And if not, I hope you are at least enjoying the limitless alcohol that I'm providing!"

There were many cheers at the first part and laughs at the second. Yukari continued to speak, "In short while, we'll be having the raffle for tonight's party! Our dear shrine maiden seems to be missing at the moment, so in the meantime, I will be acting as your very own special host!"

"What do we have as prizes, you might ask?"

With a flourish of her arm, and several things fell onto the ground from overhead gaps with large _thumps!_

"There are a number of things. Barrels of sake, raw materials for building or magical use, magical tomes and books that have never daylight, etc.," Yukari relayed off. "These are available for eight randomly drawn winners. For the next five winners, I'm introducing a new prize, personally maintained by yours truly."

A couple of gaps appeared in front of the crowd showing different locations and landmarks of Gensokyo.

"Gaps that go to anywhere in Gensokyo. Fancy a trip to the Underground Hot Springs? Merely step through a gap, and you are there! Or perhaps you want to go to the Human Village for whatever reason. You can get a gap to there too!"

A murmur of interest rose for the gaps. Gensokyo was a massive area and a pain to travel anywhere within a short time, even with flight. Noticing that she had now fully captured the youkais' attention, Yukari pressed onward with her finisher.

"But gaps to anywhere in Gensokyo pale in comparison to what we have as a grand prize. For one very lucky winner, the first prize is-"

"Reimu!"

"Reimu?" Yukari repeated puzzled. She turned her head towards the voice and gaped. Standing in front of her and everyone else was a scandalously dressed shrine maiden, who wore only ribbons around her chest and lower parts. The shrine maiden herself looked perplexed from seeing many of the youkai sitting and staring in front of her. Before anyone could react, Alice and Sakuya had run up beside her.

"Reimu! Don't just run out suddenly yelling for your mommy. We're supposed to show you off!" Alice accused.

"Yea." Sakuya agreed. Then without any warning, she cut off Reimu's ribbons with deft knife slashes. "There we go."

What followed was absolute chaos. Everyone started to scream in drunken exclamation, delight, or shame at the nakedness of the shrine maiden. Many like Keine Kamishirasawa had turned their faces from the nudity, but many others like Suika cheered at the new entertainment in front of them. The drunk tengus tried to whip out their cameras or phones to capture the legendary image of a naked Reimu, but they accidently fumbled and stumbled around and into the wolf youkai group sitting next to them, inciting a minor conflict.

The situation worsened when every single gap that Yukari had opened started to spew blood. And not a little of it, but bucket loads of it. Yukari had collapsed and gone catatonic with a blissful expression on her face and a huge bloody nose. And that translated into her losing control of the gaps and making them spew blood.

So now, everyone in the party save for the individuals standing under the Hakurei Shrine were covered in blood, and that caused even more screaming and confusion.

"Could this get any worse?" Someone groaned out. And apparently some kami/god had answered, because no one could have predicted what would happen next.

.

.

 _The arguments and verbal warfare had finally reached a breaking a point for everyone. Spell cards were swiftly drawn from various hands, hats, clothes, and gaps in response to their antagonists, accusers, or foes. For a tense few seconds, there was no movement. Then pandemonium erupted for the second time at the Hakurei Shrine._

 _._

 _._

Back inside the Hakurei Shrine, Marisa and Udonge looked at each other with widening eyes as they started to hear the screams and yelling from outside. Koishi had disappeared soon after Alice and Sakuya had left with Alice, but as they couldn't see or perceive her presence, it didn't matter to them.

Marisa quickly tried to think of a plan to get them out of their current plight and had a sudden idea. While Sakuya had gagged and bound her, she had not disarmed her. Her mini-Hakkero was in one of the front pockets of her dress apron, and if she could somehow reach it with her bound hands behind her, she can get them both out. She quickly wiggled around to get Udonge's attention.

"Mmph mmph!" She said through the gag. " _Get over here!"_

"Mmm?!" Udonge looked at her in confusion. " _What?!_?"

"Mmm mmph mm!" " _If I can get my mini-Hakkero out, I can get both of us free!_ "

Obviously, they couldn't understand each other, so instead Marisa dropped onto the floor and wiggled over to Udonge, who was still lying on her side. Once lying directly in front of her, Marisa moved and gestured her head down towards her lap.

"Mmm!" " _Roll my mini-Hakkero out!_ "

The tied up rabbit followed the witch's movement and saw a bulge in the apron. After a quick decision, she kneed upwards with her bound legs towards the bulge.

Luckily for her, she hit the bulge. Unluckily for her, she hit the trigger for the shoot button on the dangerous furnace/laser weapon. Moreover, because she hit it rather hard (and because she wasn't Marisa, who was the only one who really knew how the damn thing worked), the mini-Hakkero was set to 'Final Spark' instead of 'Master Spark.' So instead of just one giant white blast, it was a very long and very colorful blast.

As everyone outside continued to yell or scream, the Hakurei Shrine suddenly exploded. A colorful but very large beam pierced the sky from inside the shrine, and every single youkai and human dropped what they were doing and flew or ran for cover and pieces of the Shrine fell down on them.

The first ever Hakurei Gathering suddenly concluded with a bang. And only one tiny being, who had been mindlessly drifting by the trees when her master, master's lover, and master's enemy had suddenly disappeared from sight, saw it all happen from start to finish.

 _._

 _._

 _Yes_ , Shanghai, the small and irresistibly cute doll of the seven coloured magician, surmised, _they were all idiots._ Including her master. Don't get her wrong, she endearingly loved her master and would obediently serve her till death do them part. But she was still an idiot for also getting involved in the mess. Shanghai glumly thought that she will have to show her displeasure to her master by misplacing a slipper somewhere else or "forget" a command or two in the next few days.

As she watched the youkai and various people argue about whose fault it was for the incident, her dark eyes slowly drifted towards the unconscious individuals on the ground. Poor Reimu.

When Reimu woke up, she wasn't going to be mad. No, she was going to be _furious_. She's going to wake up finding her shrine destroyed, the humans who had probably heard and watched the incident thereafter likely _more afraid_ of her than ever, and naked. But worst of all? Her donation box and whatever money she had would be gone. And it would be the youkai and her master on which she will induce her fury and punishment upon.

But in the meantime, she had to concentrate on dodging the hundreds of thousands of bullets that were suddenly appearing all around her. Shanghai mentally sighed one final time before readying her lance in defense of her small and master-less self.

If only she had been ordered to stay home like Hourai had been.

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A/N Hi hi, long time no see! I'm very sorry I haven't been posting chapters or even fics lately. I got caught up in life and couldn't really find time or motivation. But I really wanted to get a fic out for the holidays. However late that was would be :(.

*There is a moment in the fic where Remilia is involved in the incident. To clarify, Remilia Scarlet has the ability to manipulate fate. However, according to one source, the Touhou wiki, it is not clear if Remilia can consciously manipulate fate because of the lack of evidence. Or another way to put it, there is no way to tell if her ability manifests through will, words, or by vicinity.

It's a pretty grey area, so I just went with the 'can mistakenly change fate with a single or few words' approach.

For this fic, Remilia mistakenly said that she had a funny feeling and that the party would be a 'life changing event'. So, she dooms the party way before it begins and realizes her mistake in the aftermath. And I guess by extension she also manipulated the fate of everyone who went to the party. We already read what happens.

The party certainly was a life-changing event for all of them. Reimu, because she is a victim of many circumstances, and the party-goers (youkai and all associated humans), because Reimu was going to beat their arses and behinds later.

Ah, what a way to be; a vampire who can accidently manipulate fate. Kind of like Sagume Kishin's ability.*

**I had a little trouble writing this part. I am not Sakuya, so I don't know what her motivations entirely might be. I imagine that her devotion to Remilia and Flandre is why she is very willing to create whole outfits and clothing for them, but she is reluctant to do the same for Reimu because she is not quite besties with her.

The easiest route to take is to get Alice to make Reimu's clothes, as again, Sakuya is not fully invested to help Reimu. But with two people with brains, the work is theoretically easier to complete or achieve.**

Here's to the New Year! Happy Holidays!


	3. Chapter 3

Omake 1

"Er, is there something wrong with Reimu?" The white haired gardener said, concerned. Her phantom half floated closer to them. Upon seeing the white, pale glob in from of her, Reimu's eyes brightly lit up.

"Nah, she's-" Marisa began.

"OMYGOSH, FLOATING MOCHI!" Reimu suddenly squealed, letting go of the witch and latching onto the new object.

"Reimuuu?!" Youmu slightly squeaked, feeling the girl's weight and touches on her phantom half. She watched as the shrine maiden opened her mouth as if to…

Youmu's eyes widened in realization at what was about to happen.

"Wait, don't –"

And then Reimu bit down on the soft transparent flesh.

The scream that followed could have pierced the heavens, and also anyone's ears who happened to be near them.

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Omake 2

A murmur of interest rose for the gaps. Gensokyo was a massive area and a pain to travel anywhere within a short time, even with flight. Noticing that she had now fully captured the youkais' attention, Yukari pressed onward with her finisher.

"But gaps to anywhere in Gensokyo pale to what we have as a grand prize. For one very lucky winner, the first prize is-"

"Reimu!"

"Reimu?" Yukari repeated puzzled. She turned her heads towards the voice and gaped. Standing in front of her and everyone else was a scandalously dressed shrine maiden, who wore only a long ribbon around her chest and lower parts. Before anyone could react, Alice and Sakuya had run up beside her.

"Reimu! Don't just run out suddenly yelling for your mommy. We're supposed to show you off!" Alice accused.

"Yea." Sakuya agreed. Then without any warning, she cut off Reimu's ribbons with deft knife slashes. "There we go."

"Sakuya, what have you done," Remilia groaned into her hands as chaos erupted all around them. Flandre had covered her red face with both her hands, but was peeking through them in awe.

"Oh my. I wonder if I will grow up to be as endowed as her-"

"Don't you dare finish that, _Flandre_ "

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End file.
